If you have ever had a conversation with me, you probably know how I feel about the Toronto Transit Commission and the majority of its riders. In fact, even if you haven’t met me and have no idea what my voice sounds like, if you follow me on twitter (@V_Block) or haven’t unsubscribed yet to my Facebook rants, you know how I feel about the TTC.
My regular bus routes include the 126 Christie, the 26 Dupont and, in saving the best for last, the beloved 29 Dufferin. I could probably write an entire novel about the 29 Dufferin bus, but I have bigger fish to fry. I don’t want to just speak about one route, as busy as it is and as unkempt as its people are. No, my friends. I am finally taking the time to write my first blog post in a desperate attempt to help my dear friends cope with the frustration of using public transportation.
Every day I get a little less patient. Keep in mind that as an Italian, I didn’t have much patience to begin with. Are you trying to cut in line? You’re going to hear it from me – even if you’re a 97-year-old Asian woman. Taking up a seat on a busy route for your purse? Again, I’m going to say something or, more often than not, I’m going to purposely make you move it, intentionally ignoring the seat behind you that’s free and requires no effort from you whatsoever but gives me much less satisfaction. Pushing me to walk towards the door faster while the bus is emptying at its last stop? Oops. Seems I’ve suddenly got a shoelace to tie that simply can’t wait. Let me just bend over in this aisle and deal with it. These are a few of the ways I keep sane whilst riding the TTC. And I am now ready to share my techniques with you.
I am here to help you deal with morons. I will not only help identify said morons, but also help you attempt to correct their behaviour. And if they cannot be reformed – as will probably be the case with most of these degenerates – the last (and most entertaining) resort is to annoy them or embarrass them to the point that they will at least think of you before they commit the same crime in the future.
I will be posting the 10 Douche-types one by one, so you have a day or two to practice each suggested coping technique. Annnnnnnd go.